I am so fucking tired of hearing about people being shamed!!! Why don’t you shame me? I can give you a lot of shit, so have fun. Let’s start with the fact I am a 30 year old woman who lives with her mother. I am not married and don’t have kids. Just for shits and giggles, how about I let you know that six months ago, I had a mustache. Not like Tom Selleck’s epic ‘stach, but more like 13 year old boy peach fuzz. It was still a mustache, though. Not enough? How about the fact that I used to weigh 225lbs, which on my 5ft7 frame is obese? I wore men’s shorts for work and was almost to a 40in waist. Still need more? I have chickens as pets and I refer to myself as their momma. I pick my nose. I think that about covers it.
Shaming, for any reason, is trying to destroy someone. There is no reason to do it, regardless of if you think someone deserves it. I gave you shit on me, and I dare you, I FUCKING DARE YOU, to try to shame me. Guess what? You can’t. Why? I put it there for you to see and the point of shaming is really to make someone feel bad by making public something they don’t want others to know.
Shaming kills. I have a friend who lost her brother due to shaming. There was a tragedy that he would have never forgiven himself for anyway. He spent time in jail because of it. Upon his release, he was hounded by those who thought he wasn’t punished enough. He made a mistake and they only got worse. He ended up taking his own life. This is a basic outline only because my friend doesn’t deserve to be forced to relive the horror she endured. I love her dearly and thought her brother was pretty cool. I can honestly say he was a good guy who made mistakes that would usually just be stories told, but instead turned into lives lost. He took his own life because being alive meant living in a hell where he wasn’t allowed to move past his mistakes.
Shaming is bullying. Bullying is NEVER acceptable. I grew up in a time and place (aka, the South during the ‘90s) where you were told that you “need to stop taking things so seriously” or to “just get over it.” There is also my all-time favorites, the “you are just too sensitive”, “it builds character”, and “well, maybe if you acted differently, there wouldn’t be a reason to…” I heard those three the most. From my dad and his family, from the parents of kids who bullied me, from the people who should have protected me and definitely knew better.
Recently, a personally trainer made a video where he basically yells at the camera, telling obese people how disgusting they are. Wow, really? We are disgusting? Here I thought I was fucking awesome, as are all of my friends, many of whom have struggled with their weights. I have friends who are morbidly obese. I have friends who have had to deal with diabetes that is a result of weight. I have seen friends struggle with infertility due to their size. I have never told a friend they needed to lose weight, unless they asked if I thought they needed to, and even then, it is still a very sensitive subject. Not everyone is supposed to be skinny. I know the size of my skeleton (yay, x-rays are fun!!!), so it isn’t hard to do the mental estimations of what would be healthy for me. According to the BMI, I should weigh between 136-142lbs to be considered on the HEAVY side of healthy. Wow, really? Well, last time I was in that range, I was 13 and I wasn’t healthy, but it had nothing to do with my weight.
I have no problems letting the world know I currently fluctuate between 181 and 186lbs. Why should I be ashamed of that? I wasn’t ashamed when I was 225lbs. I was sick, but it had nothing to do with my weight. My weight had nothing to do with my diet either. I actually have anorexia, though not in the way people think the disease can manifest. I don’t eat. I don’t physically ever feel hungry and because of that, I can easily get up at 8am and not eat until 8pm, sometimes later. My weight isn’t even due to my disordered eating. I have a condition called PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome, or PCOS. It is a condition where cysts can form on the ovaries (not always, but usually) and causes hormonal imbalances, usually extremely high levels of testosterone. It’s the leading cause of hair loss and baldness in women. It can also cause some pretty gnarly facial hair, so my peach fuzz mustache was just toeing the water. Want to know what happens when you try to shame a woman who has PCOS that lives with a full beard? She calls you a jerk, laughs at you, possibly hits you with something (maybe a lawsuit, depending on where you decide to shame her), and leaves. I got lucky that my treatment has been pretty easy: medication twice a day and making myself eat regular, though usually small, meals. I am about 40lbs down from my highest weight and I feel better because I’m not as sick as I used to be. The weight didn’t make me sick; it was the being sick that caused the weight.
And then there is Caitlyn. I’m sorry, but I figured she would be in the spot light for maybe two weeks, and then people would be over her. Sadly, I was wrong. And the worst part is that it isn’t her supporters that keep her there, it’s those that hate her. What is the point of shaming the LGBTQ community? My favorite argument is that “God doesn’t make mistakes.” Well, God also said you shouldn’t eat seafood (sushi, anyone?), wear garments made out of more than one material (means no cotton/poly blend for you), or eat pork (mmm…bacon). My response is that no one ever said it was mistake until you. Maybe this is just a chance to learn about humility and acceptance. I have a friend who is transgender. He is fucking awesome. When I met him, he was she. She was 17, turning 18. She was very angry, though never seemed to be able to say why. She was very depressed, though she thought no one could see it most of the time. She decided to become he. He started transitioning a little over a year ago. He is happy. He isn’t angry. He has the best smile I have ever seen. Being transgender has nothing to do with wanting to be anything. Someone who is trans is what they say they are; it’s their body that is telling the lie. Using biology to say they will never be the gender they say they are is the same as saying that a woman who can’t have children because she had to have a hysterectomy at a young age isn’t a woman. Having a hysterectomy doesn’t make her less of a woman; neither does biological sex make her male.
If other cultures have revered those who are transgender as being sacred, two souls in one body, why do we make them out to be freaks, worthy of nothing but cruelty and forced to live in fear? They are as human as anyone else. How do we try to say that gender is a binary, only male or female? It’s more of a spectrum that doesn’t even take into account what you like in another person. Calling someone “gay,” “queer,” or “fag” because they don’t fit your definition just makes you the bad guy. You aren’t God (and if you are, I would love to talk, and by love to talk, I mean take you to an institution to have you evaluated because you are obviously delusional), so you can’t say “God Hates…” because you honestly don’t know. It is not your place to make that judgement. The Bible even says one of the worst sins someone can commit is disowning their own kin over who they are. It’s Pride, pure and simple, one of the Seven Deadly Sins. You are too engrossed in yourself and what others think of you to love someone for no reason other than they are your family. That’s fine. That is your choice. LGBTQ people tend to be very accepting of others, including those of us who have autism, so we will all just make our own big happy family.
Try to shame me if you want. It won’t do you any good. Being able to shame me would mean I would have to be bothered by the things I told you. Honest truth is that I’m not. Why should I be ashamed? Life would be boring if we didn’t all come in different packages. Some have assembly required, while others have parts not included. We all write our own stories. Make sure your story doesn’t have anything you are ashamed of, lest someone be able to shame you for it.